Day 26

Posted: December 23, 2010 in Opinion

Day 26, Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

I’m afraid I have, it was 10+ years ago and I was very depressed, I felt there was no need for me to be here.  I felt so alone despite having many friends and a loving family, I felt utterly worthless and in the way. I was at work one day and something happened, I’m not sure what, but it tipped me over the edge. At lunch time I went home and decided to end it all,  thankfully I managed to get help before I did anything.

There was another occasion, at the time my bedroom had a skylight and at night I would lie in bed and look up at the stars wishing I was there. I was having weekly Doctors appointments and seeing other health professionals  too, but I mostly just told them I was getting better, even tho I felt so bad for lying.

I don’t know what tipped me over the edge, but something did, and this time I carried it out, I don’t remember the event, I just remember the tears and pain before and some of the after.

I have never been that low since, and I thank God for bringing me through those incredibly tough times; it’s only been 10+ years, but it feels like a lifetime ago and in some respects it could have been a different person.

It was then that I really started writing, I have more than 40 poems from that period in my life, and many diary entries, it was the writing and the learning to open up that helped more than any medication.

Life is far too precious a thing to give up on, there are so many things to experience and learn. Life is a gift and we each have so much to live for.

Rachel.x

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Comments
  1. Richard Cotton says:

    Have i ever thought of give up my life

    Yes i have. Its all to often sometimes. First time was when my first girl friend left me for another man she had been going out with all the time when i was 18. After that was when i left my wife to be with the woman iam with now. Sometimes even now iwounder why do i carry on with the twins been autistic and my partner been like she is i wounder why i am needed here on this planet. There seems to be no reason for it some times. then i think about my writing and friends and twins and they would all misss the things i do i think.

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